When your heart and your head disagree.

It's hard when your heart and your head are telling you two entirely different things. I mean which one do you listen to? Which one is right? There is no way to tell which is right and which is wrong, but I guess you can say you have a 50% shot of being right regardless of which way you go.

In my life now I am undergoing the epic battle of the heart and mind. My heart is telling me to stay with Matt, keep our family together, love conquers all whereas my mind is telling me to move out, concentrate on school, get your life in order, and then get back to Matt if and when the time is right.

I guess some backstory is in order so here is the long short of it. Over the past few years I have been the main provider for our little unit, but when Matt got into insurance it went from a 60-40 split to me becoming the sole income earner. Not easy for a college student working a job that doesn't necessarily pay badly but certainly does not pay enough. Add a kid into the mix and I am heading for disaster. Needless to say I wracked up a sizeable amount of credit card debt, took out a second car loan that defaulted resulting in a repossession, and have been living paycheck to paycheck way to long.

After some serious and extensive thought and consideration, I have decided to move Chase and myself back to my dad's place. I will have a roof over my head, get three meals a day, have a yard for Chase to play in, not to mention cable, and all for 100 bucks a month. Not too bad and certainly less than what I spent monthly on food for the two of us. I just have such a horrible not in my stomach at the thought of it though, how do you move out on a man with whom you have been through so much with in the past 3 1/2 years and have two kids by him. I know it is for the best and I hope it provides Matt the opportunity to get going with work, make a good living, and be able to support his family when we come back. That is the key though, I have the intention of coming back. Though I don't want to move from him, I know that it is the only way to save our relationship. We plan to remain a couple, but as a dating couple, not a live-in couple. I just hope it works out and we can builder a stronger, better, and most importantly, an equal partnership to sustain us through the years.